I have been lingering over my writing for a while and as dark as it sounds, fighting my inner demons lately to overcome my fear of opening up. I’m going to be very honest and admit that in the past I have been very ignorant toward everything and I haven’t tried to find the cause of problems in my life, until recently.
Which leads me to this; an unforgettable phase in my life I thought was worth sharing, kind of what reflects my insecurities in the first place.
It begins back in my early teens. I was nothing like the other girls in my school. Reflecting at the picture of the way I looked and behaved, I was very tomboyish, and I knew that my behavior was very unattractive, and I never cared about pleasing people, which use to offend them a lot. I seriously didn’t understand why they wanted me to be like them. I realized that certain standards have to be followed to be accepted by society and that my perception about myself didn’t matter.
Starting from society, parents, friends, boyfriends, teachers, everyone expected me to become this version of their illusion that I couldn’t become.
In the process of changing myself to please others, I found that nothing satisfied people, they always demanded more change from me, until I had to put a stop to it. I think, the hustle to change myself and to always stand out, is the main cause of my insecurities. Being ignorant in the past has caused a lot of distress in the present for me until I decided to face the problem and try to fix it.
Attaining the Socio- trophy:
Socio- trophy is a personality trait used for individuals that have a strong need for social acceptance or those who rely on and invest in social interactions.
My mornings would start off on a not so positive note; much like what yours and everyone else’s looks like. Here’s why:
The moment I wake up I check my phone (I’m sure you do too) and when I do I see notifications from the social media platforms I’m active on, which further makes me surf through these platforms and waste 30 mins to an hour sometimes (I’d be lying if I said less).
As I scroll through my feed, I find content that could be perceived in both negative and positive ways. if it’s positive hallelujah. If it’s negative, I scroll more and search for something that will make me feel happy.
This behavior is so toxic. Searching for some kind of gratification like an addict to feed my energy with positivity through social media. I mean how did we get here?
We depend so much on social media and the internet that we’ll let it change our behavior. I think we all can agree that negative energy can be very poisonous, it can create unhealthy behavior and can make us see things in a very different way. Media, on the other hand, considering us as a passive audience can deliver and make us believe in any information depending on its motive. Negative behavior through social media can also be depicted by comparing ourselves with others. we assume that the lives of people on social media the way they show it is perfect, which is usually not the case because no one is posting their sad or gloomy side.
My point is that you cannot get gratification by comparing your life with others since your journey is different from them and it’ll only make you feel low which further leads to this negative energy being repeated like a cycle.
Fast forward to earlier this year, I did some digging about what could be the causes of my insecurities and I googled like a typical millennial: ‘what are the causes of insecurities’.
Ironically, the internet being the benevolent platform where we can search for solutions is one of the elements in the society that induces insecurities in millennials these days.
Rejection, standards set by the society, Relationship with oneself, having fears and being affected by primary take carer’s (parents) are few of the causes I found I can relate to. Get ready for some implicit details!
Rejection can make you think that you’re not good enough or deserving. The impact of rejection can lead to isolation, loneliness and social anxiety. In dramatic terms, ‘It feels like nothing will ever work for you or that you’ll end up alone hopeless in a house that will smell like cats pee’ not that anything is wrong with that vision, cats over people any day. But it triggers trust issues in a future relationship, low self-esteem, and absence of confidence. You terminate the thought that you’ll ever be good enough for anyone and in my opinion that’s the worst feeling ever. Not good enough? Honestly since when did we start relying on people so much?
If you are present enough to acknowledge that certain things and people are stopping your growth in any way or making you doubt your self-worth, it’s fine to take some time off and fix yourself.
Revolutionizing oneself, Self- love:
So why is it impossible to be ‘you’? Being different and having a strong belief only makes you standard out and stand for yourself, it only helps you maintain your standards and achieve your goals.
The term self- love could be adapted in different ways depending on what you love about yourself and what you love to do every day. No matter how small or useless that task seems it define you as a person.
It’s better to ask yourself questions like, what do I love about myself? Is there anything I want to change about myself? Is there anything I want to learn or discover? If anything is bothering, you or any negative emotion you want to overcome.
The key is to become a version of you that you truly love, not the one dependent on other’s perception of how you should be. to revolutionize yourself ask questions and know ‘you’ better. Remember that noticing a problem is the first step in a path to self-development and change.
Overcome the past:
There isn’t a blueprint to help fix your insecurities, in fact putting that into perspective can cause a lot of distress initially. Therefore, the right way is to make a record of what caused those insecurities in the first place, like note down the reasons that led you to becoming insecure.
Finding yourself also means accepting the failures and overcoming the past. Reminding yourself where the problem was first initiated can help you solve half of your issue. So, go ahead and ask yourself, ‘what caused that particular insecurity in the past’? Then ask yourself, ‘If it’s worth it to be insecure’? If your answer is no, then delay no further and let the change begin. Because it’s better to find solutions to your problems sooner than being distracted by your insecurities.
We all have fears that can be differentiated in my ways, I guess at this point we all know what our fears are. They are stronger than the mountains that we can face, but don’t you think it’s time we face them? Honestly, I am so bored of hiding myself from people based on my fears. I get that every time I might face them, I will get mixed experiences which can be both good and bad, but they are still experiences and not facing my fears will only diminish my chances of learning from those experiences. Facing your insecurities and fears will make you strong and ready for the future. Whereas, delaying them will only put a pause to your growth and success.
Being collectively empowering is an effective way to get started on working on your insecurities. There is no prescribed way to get over them and the process can be long and annoying, but you have to start somewhere and put revolutionizing yourself in action. Finding what brings out the best in you or what makes you feel accomplished is the first initiative. It could be reading a book, painting, working out, going for a walk, doing yoga or meditating, learning new activities that connect you with yourself and make you understand yourself better. Operating in that mindset where you do not need self- gratification from society and what others think about you and your mindset is how you can overcome your insecurities.
In the end all I’m trying to say is we need to be conscious enough to realize that we are insecure, find why we are the way we are and then use our insecurities as a strength not a weakness. ‘your soul is attracted to people that way flowers are attracted to the sun. surround yourself only with those who want to see you grow’ this is something to help you embrace and feel the motivation and kick start with the inner change.